PART I
“Hey Jen! Did you ask your mom and dad about our marriage?” asked David.
“My dear Tom! Let me first complete my graduation! Why are you in a hurry? Anyways, I am not going to run away with my handsome neighbour, umm, what’s his name? Oh yeah, Harry! And for God’s sake stop calling me Jen. I am not your ex!” I said, totally frustrated.
Well, I forgot to introduce myself. I am Jennifer Lopez! Ha gotcha! Don’t take my boyfriend seriously. Actually he has a great crush on Jennifer and just to console himself he calls me Jen. Well, he has got a point, like I call him Tom! ;-)
Ok! No more blabbering (the art which I master). My name is Lolita Sharma. Well, it does seem an oxymoronic name to the hindus but this is my name and I love it for I forced my parents to change it to Lolita from Sangeeta at the age of 8 when we moved to US. It is kind of ‘cool’. And my friends love to call me ‘Lol’. Lol! :P
My dad Mr. Shekhar Sharma is a businessman. Till date I haven’t been able to make out the type of business he is into. It doesn’t matter to me as long as money keeps flowing into the house and especially my purse! Life is cool. My mom Savitri Sharma is a housewife. She was a religious lady in India. But foreign country changed her bigtime to ‘Savy’. Now she loves to play cards while alternating shifts between a glass of champagne brute and a cigarette. Her partner in this fun over all these years has been Aunty Rose, Harry’s mom. She killed her husband (as she tells my mom) and faked it as a road accident. Since then she is a free bird, as ferocious as an eagle. She is always dressed in pieces of clothes which start just an inch below her cleavage. And I hate her for she is an ugly duckling. But Harry is sweet. He is a stranger in his own house. We used to study together in the Hollywood High school.
“Stop it Lol! Don’t over-react. It is your problem and don’t try to make it miscible with our relationship” said an irritated David.
“My problem Tom!??! It is ‘our’ problem. And by the way don’t behave like a selfish. My family comes first than anything else in the world. And it is not my problem, rather I am the reason for it” I blurted out, almost in tears.
The problem, well, why do I need to tell everyone again and again? The biggest problem of my life right now is the eternal fight between my parents. After I joined the high school, I got addicted to smoking and later on started drinking with my mom as my idol. It was kind of serious.
My dad has always stayed away from these things and that is why he hates mom for she is addicted to these things now. And I am no exception. Dad doesn’t like my drinking or smoking and hence he fights with mom to channelize his anger in other direction. So, that’s it! Though I have lessened these addictions after leaving school but still their traces in huge amounts persist in ‘my life’, *sigh!!*.
“Jen baby, relax. Look, I am sorry. I always want to see you happy and smiling as you were some time back. This sad face of yours freaks me out. Honey, don’t think of yourself as the reason. You are gradually coming on the right path. Now give me a ‘one in a million’ smile. Please?” David said softly.
I met David in UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles). It is one of the best universities of Los Angeles and I finally got into it. It was a great feeling. Finally my parents were proud of me and this was a pretty decent reason. I always had an interest in geography and history so I took arts as a subject and I dream of becoming an archaeologist to unveil that past and follow the path of Erich Von Daniken, Chariots of the Gods. I must say it is an awesome book which changed my ideology.
It was a rainy day. I had forgotten my umbrella back home and was waiting for the bus. I was almost wet. It was cold that day. I was all alone at the bus stop. And I was shivering wildly. It was then when David too hopped in the bus stop and without a thought, he covered me with his over coat and I readily accepted that. Warmth reached inside and I felt comfortable. Since that day, we became friends, rather great friends. We went to the class together, ate lunch together and hanged out together. Our favourite hang out place was Santa Monica beach, the coast guard’s post. Maryam, the coast guard had become a good friend of ours after we had helped him to get rid of a bunch of rowdy kids. He would let us sneak into the post and enjoy the cool breeze and the waves.
Once, Maryam was out for long and we were getting bored. So, we switched on the TV and there it was ‘the blue lagoon’. The beautiful beach landscape in the movie attracted us and we decided to watch it. After it got over I was not even able to raise my head out of shyness. David got to know about it. He came closer and kissed me. I didn’t retaliate. It was our first kiss. The first seed of love that was planted that day was awesome. And we kissed again. After that day we officially announced us as boyfriend and girlfriend, much to the envy of other girls and Harry offcourse!
“Thank you Tom, for being there. Sorry, I know I have a loose tongue. But I love you Tom, so much…..!” I chirped and hugged him.
“So, what do you say? Lets make out today? In your room?” he said, gently playing with my tresses.
“You bastard! F*** off! You are a dog. And I hate you. Now see what I do!” I said half angry and stormed out of the David’s room.
This has been the scenario ever since the day we committed. Unlike other guys who greet their girls with a bouquet of roses, David always does that with a packet of vicks. I was psyched out and almost fainted when he did this the first time. So what if his dad owns a medical shop! I was embarrassed that day and didn’t talk to him for a few following days. But my mind started missing him and we decided to meet. This time again, he repeated the same act and I laughed out loud. I can’t hate him. I never can. He is cute and handsome too. His French cut and a cute goatee makes me flat. He is a muscular man and that tattoo of ‘its your world’ on his biceps makes him a hunk. Well, I have started accepting the reality and now as a return gift, I give him a good slap everytime we meet and he loves that! :P
“Hey mom! I am home. Hello Rose! Can you please excuse us for a few hours? I need to talk to my mom. This is important.” I barked at aunty Rose.
My respect for aunty Rose had gone down the drains the day I saw her and so had ‘aunty’. I just called her Rose. I wonder what a Rose plant would do if it ever came across this Rose, a bitch.
“Oh! Sure Lol darling. Have a great time with mom. Bye Savy. See you soon” and with this Rose left the house. Finally peace reigned again in the living room and I jumped on the couch.
“Mom! I want to marry…” I couldn’t even complete my sentence as dad hopped in.
“Great! So, do we search for the boys or you have someone in your mind?” he chuckled.
“Its David dad. You know it all. I love him” I said monotonically.
And for the first time in all these 14 years I saw tears in mom’s eyes. It made me uneasy and uncomfortable. And then it happened. Dad went over to mom and put his shoulders around her. What the hell! Was it a dream? I rubbed my eyes again and again. My mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. Man! They were the biggest rivals on earth. How on earth did they patch up! All these random thoughts started to rise in my mind.
“We are proud of you Lol! We never though you would ever bump with this marriage thing. We thought you were spoilt to the core. We were scared of your addictions. Its good to see you back on the right track” my parents said merrily.
Well, I wanted to ridicule this statement of theirs. It was all fake. And mom said it all after may be four glasses of drinks. So, it had to be all messed up. This wasn’t her heart speaking out but the champagne. And as for dad, he was an innocent lamb who got into the tear trap of mom. But seeing them together after all these years melted my heat away and I felt nice. It was good!
“Thankx mom and dad. I owe this to you. Lets celebrate tonight with orange and cranberry juice” I winked at dad.
“Haha! Sure honey. Savy, what do you say? Well, Lol, I’ll talk to David’s parents tomorrow” said a happy dad.
A month followed this incident and I was standing on the stage holding a trophy in my hands. I had finally graduated with distinction in my subjects. Mom and dad were sitting in the front row and were clapping happily. David was standing next to me with the graduation certificate and was waving happily to his parents. They had agreed to our marriage.
And my idea freaked them out. I had decided to marry on the ‘skywalk’ in the Grand Canyon, a unique wedding! Then a helicopter ride followed by river rafting 4000 ft. below and a night in the Hualapai Ranch – it would be a perfect marriage.
My life had taken a smooth curve until THAT day, a red letter day…
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PART II
To,
Lolita Sharma,
Bungalow No. 637,
Sunset Blvd,
LA.
It was an envelop from the city hospital. 7 days back I had fainted while shopping with David. I had opened my eyes in the city hospital emergency ward. Doctor Andrew had asked me to go for a CT scan and an X-ray. And this was the report – my CT scan report.
Wait, I forgot again to mention something of great importance. We live in Sunset Boulevard, Bungalow no. 637. My dad had purchased it from the relatives of John F Kennedy. Once upon a time, the famous Hollywood actress Marilyn Monroe used to live here. Though it was a small bungalow for dad’s black limousine but it was cosy and comfortable. So, dad sold the new apartment he had recently purchased and decided to live on in 637.
It was a bright sunny day in the month of June. David and his family had gone for a vacation in Mexico, to his cousin’s place. And my parents were off to San Jose for my dad’s business conference. I was all alone.
I picked up the envelop and started examining the surroundings. Rose was busy watering the plants and Harry was planting new oak saplings he had purchased from the nursery the previous day. As it was a Sunday, kids were playing soccer on the street. Most of the grown ups were either chatting up on phone sitting in the balcony sipping hot tea or were engaged in the garden activities like Harry and Rose. Some kids were playing with their pets in the park. It was a lovely sight. All of the Beverly hills seemed to enjoy this day.
I suddenly got a headache. It was a severe one. I rushed inside and quickly had a pill that the doctor had prescribed me. Since past one month, I was continuously getting these headaches and vertigos and one of those had landed me up in the city hospital. I was feeling weak and terrible so I decided to catch a little sleep.
I woke up to the sound of the door bell. I sleepily opened the door. It was Annie, my friend. She had to go for a party and hence had come over to leave her kid, Calvin in my custody. I bid her goodbye and pulled the kid inside who was already climbing on the tree. Calvin is a nasty kid. He resembles Annie just in looks. He is a gone case. He is so naughty that once even Annie considered sending him to a far off boarding school. But his dad declined. He is such a headache.
“Lol! I want and ice cream” he shouted.
His shout was so shrill that the already damaged lobes of my temple burst out and the pain increased manifolds. I went to the refrigerator and handed him a bowl of vanilla ice cream.
“Yuck! This tastes so bad! I want a chocolate ice cream” he shouted again.
“Dear (I hate using this word for him), I don’t have a chocolate ice cream” I said, trying to be calm.
“But Bob has it! He gives me a chocolate cone everyday and mommy pays him the money” he said, throwing a nasty look.
God! I so wanted to strangle this kid. I hate such parents who don’t care a damn about their kids and let them grow without any direction. And this results in Calvins!!! I held the kids hand firmly and took him to the dairy shop, half a mile away from 637. Bob, the vendor greeted the kid. I bought 5 cones of chocolate to keep the kid busy the rest of the time. I paid Bob the money and by that time Calvin had already started licking a cone. Thankfully, his mouth was engaged elsewhere.
“Lol! Lets go to the park” he said, holding all the 5 cones.
“Why not!” I said sarcastically.
God is great at times. After an hour or so, Annie’s car stopped by and she stepped out. Calvin ran happily with ice cream trickling down his body and hugged his mom. It was a good sight. She thanked me and left.
I decided to walk back pondering over the contents of my report in the envelop. It didn’t bother me much. I reached 637. It was 5 in the evening and the rays of the setting sun made the garden glow with a charismatic brilliance. The chrysanthemums; yellow and white, the dahlias; orange and mustard, the roses; pink and red, all looked beautiful and effulgent. The black olives were glistening like black pearls and a flock of birds was already chirping; settled merrily in their nests with the young ones. Life was all over the place – young and happy.
I unlocked the door and straightway went to my room. I put on Jim Morrosson – the future is uncertain, the end is always near. I was unaware of the fact that everything wall falling right on its destined place. I snuggled up on my bed, switched on the bedside lamp and opened the envelop.
The diagnosis read – carcinoma. F***! I rubbed my eyes and sat up on my bead. I read it again. The letters were obstinately stuck to the same place as earlier – carcinoma. I turned the page and saw Dr. Andrew’s note attached –
“Lol, I am very sorry to inform you that you have carcinoma – particularly breast cancer. You are in the intermediate stage. You know that your life is at risk. Come to the hospital as soon as possible. We’ll start with chemotherapy and round of operations. There is always a ray of hope. I believe in medical sciences and I hope I’ll be able to make it to your dream wedding.”
Damn! I saw the time. It was 6 in the evening. Outside the room, life was in full bloom and inside, it was moribund. Tears began trickling down my eyes. Never in my life had I cried so hard. I was shaken to the core. Suddenly I felt the envelop of loneliness engulfing me. I wanted mom and dad, right then.
I buried my face in my soft pillow as the river of tears made its way out. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to live my life. I would turn 22 this 18th of July. And life would come to a standstill after that. What would happen to my dream wedding? What would David do after I am gone? Who would take care of my parents? All these thoughts began to conjure themselves in my brain. Tired of crying, I dozed off.
I woke up again to the sound of the phone. I saw the time; it was 11:30 in the night. It was David’s call. I had completely forgotten about the report and happily responded to the call; though the thumping headache persisted.
“Hello honey! How have you been?” he asked.
“Hey Tom! I am good. How are you? Enjoying the holidays?” I asked merrily.
“Yes sweetheart. And I visited the pyramid you had asked me to. It is an awesome place. The concept of afterlife fascinates me. Do build a pyramid for me too after I am gone and don’t forget to put a packet of vicks beside me. I am going to need them in my afterlife. Heh!” said a naughty David.
Afterlife? Death? It was a sudden juggernaut for me. Yes. I was going to die. Tears rushed down again and my words froze in the mouth. Silence persisted for a moment. I was completely broken.
“Hello? You there Jen? Come on, I was joking. Now don’t be angry with your bastard!” he chuckled.
“I miss you Tom, come soon…” and my voice got chocked.
“Sure Jen, I’ll come home in another couple of days. I’ll keep you updated. I miss you too. Take care. And good night to my angel” and he hung up.
It was hard to believe on the reality. I didn’t want to spend the rest of the time in the hospital engaged in the treatments and die in the end. The intermediate stage and Andrew’s letter made me sure of the approaching end. I wanted to live life in the days that were left over.
The next day I went over to Dr. Andrew’s clinic and discussed the reports with him. After an hour of discussion the only way was to get myself admitted in the hospital the very day and get started with the treatments with a 10% probability of getting back ‘my life’. I thanked him and went to Santa Monica beach. Maryam was there as usual. He welcomed me to his post. I smiled at him and sat on the bench near the window. The beach was absolutely quiet. The holidays had ended and kids had gone back to their school. Since it was a weekday so very few people, who were mainly tourists had come to enjoy the beach. The patch of sand in front of the post was absolutely empty. There was just the sea and its gigantic waves.
Suddenly a flock of seagulls came flying and settled on the patch. Some were sturdy and some were young. Some were too small and had just learnt flying. They were poking each other with their sun kissed yellow beaks. And the older ones were trying to find food on the shore from the deposits of each coming wave. Suddenly, an eagle dived from great heights and took a baby seagull in its claws. There was a commotion and loud shrieks of the birds. It was then when something unexpected happened. A group of seagulls chased the eagle and poked it real hard. It finally left the baby seagull and the flock was complete once again. The baby gull came out of the sudden shock in a couple of minutes and resumed its normal activity of poking its colleagues.
But I was already in the clutches of the eagle and no seagull would come to save me. I was drifting away with each passing second. The flame was losing its intensity as the time flew by. I tried hard not to think of the unseen and the unknown but the tremors set up in my mind made it hard for me.
With a heavy mind, I walked out of the post and removed my sandals. I then went to the sea shore and got my feet drenched in the cold waters. As it splashed my toes, I became more aware of life around me. I stood there watching the waves. They rose high up and then surrendered themselves to the shore taking with them everything that was incapable of protecting itself against their force. They took it to the great depths of the sea which were unfathomable. They also acted as saviours by bringing back things to the shore. This dual characteristic confused me.
It was then when a very strong breeze started blowing. It had a great force. It let my tresses lose and they were flying in all the directions. David loved such moments. He would always click our pictures. He would then play with the flying tresses and stare at me for long. I never was able to resist his stare and would always try to run back to the post. The moment I did so, he used to hold my hand tight and stop me. And I used to settle smoothly in the warmth of his hug.
And yet again the tears made their way out to meet the sea of salinity. I missed David the very moment. His loneliness after I would be gone made me sad. Just then Jim Morrosson’s ‘the future is uncertain, the end is always near’ started playing in the vicinity. It was so true. I looked at the time, it was 2 in the afternoon. Just 10 more hours left for the day to end and just some more days for my life to end.
I drove my black beetle back to 637 and went to sleep. I woke up at around 5 in the evening with those puffy and red eyes and tangled hair. I looked at the mirror and let out a loud laughter. I looked so funny. And yet again tears! It was the 13th time, I had cried that day. I wanted to laugh the same way as I used to ever. I wiped off my tears and went to my parents’ room. I sat on my dad’s favourite rocking chair. Whenever he used to have any problem, he just sat on the chair for an hour pondering deeply and the solution used to hit instantly. I too tied to think of a solution for my moribund body. As I was about to get up, I saw our old photographs on the wall. It had the three of us with happy faces camping in the Nevada valley. In the other picture, me and dad were sitting on a horse. Probably mom had clicked that snap. And in yet another me and mom were in the pool splashing water on each other. Happy times long back – I thought. I loved my parents and they loved me too.
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PART III
I cursed myself for being a stupid and unfaithful daughter all these years. Had I not started smoking and drinking, those smiles would have been preserved. We could have shared a great bonding. I could have loved them much more. I could have made them smile forever. I could have married, have had kids and made them happy grandparents. We could have gone on holidays. Happy family it could have been – randomness strangled.
Suddenly, some passion took charge of me and I opened the drawer of my table. I took the lighter and set the envelop and the report ablaze. It burnt down to ashes within a minute. I was finally happy. There was no trace of my approaching end nearby. Though it was certain but I had hidden it perfectly.
I sat down on the chair and took out my black book. I started jotting down the things that were still left, all my desires and ways to make people happy. And at the end, I finally managed to get 69 things. I had a smile on my face. I had decided to live the rest of the days my way. I had decided to enjoy my life to the fullest and live the whole of it in the rest of the days. I decided to make everyone around me happy. I decided to create myself and leave behind fond memories for people to cherish. I decided to spend time with my parents. And last but not the least, I decided to travel to India. I wanted to unveil the secrets and places of the country (in the left over time) where I had spent 8 precious years of my life. That was the last wish in the wish list. I had decided to die there alone and all by myself. I had decided not to tell anyone of my disease and post them a letter just before a couple of days of my death, when I would be able to write for the last time. I won’t disclose them of my location but would send truck loads of love and regards to them. And I would ask them to be happy. That’s it. It seemed a perfect ending.
With a hollow ray of hop in my mind, I went to sleep. I woke up the next day, cleaned up the house and made breakfast. My parents arrived back home in an hour and were surprised to see the change in me. We all hugged and enjoyed the breakfast ‘together’ in all these years. Then me and mom went for shopping and purchased my wedding dress. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and hence agreed for the deal. Then dad joined us and we had our lunch together. Then we went for a long drive in dad’s limousine with Kishore da on! It was a wonderful time spent together. We came late in the night and I dozed off immediately as soon as I embraced my warm cosy bed.
“Get up Lol! Its 8 in the morning. David just called to tell that he’ll pick you up at 12” mom shouted.
“Let me sleep mom! By the way, is David back?” I asked still sleeping.
“Back? What are you talking about? Now get up and get ready soon. I am going to Rose’s house. Harry is not well. If you feel like coming over, do come. You breakfast is on the table and dad has already left for his office” she blurted in a monotonic tone.
Something was wrong with mom today. Yesterday, she had been so full of love and today she was back again to her normal self. I finally woke up, had my breakfast and got ready. I wanted the last days of my life to be memorable and beautiful. So I dressed up in the red saree David had gifted me on my last birthday. I went to Harry’s house to give my regards. It was 11:30 in the morning and David was already there in his navy blue lexus. I quickly locked the door and rushed over to him. It was a benediction to see him after so many days. I leaned over and kissed him. He was startled! And I was confused.
“Welcome back Tom! I missed you so much” I said.
“Whoa! You missed me so much? Strange girl! By the way, you look sexy in red! My beautiful Lolita” he grinned.
I was more confused now. But then my life had no time for these confusions. It was already approaching its end. I paid no attention to it. Aerosmith played in the background as we drove through the wide roads. It was a beautiful day and I was livin’ on the edge of the sunshine! We finally reached the beach.
“Err, Jen, how are you going to walk on the beach in saree? I have a pair of shorts and a t-shirt on the backseat. What say?” he asked casually.
Well, I felt stupid. I didn’t even think of that. I would be lot difficult to walk on the beach with a saree on.
“Hehe! Ok, you proceed to the post. I’ll come in a bit” I said smiling. David went away and I quickly changed my clothes.
I then ran quickly and jumped on David! He was puzzled and laughing at the same time.
“Hey lol! You are behaving strange today? What is the matter? Did you hit your head somewhere?” he winked.
“Shut up Tom! I am alright. Just got a reason to enjoy the left over life” I said happily.
“Cool, between why leftover life?” he questioned.
It hit me hard. I was almost about to speak the truth when I controlled myself. A sudden wave of grief hit me. But I tried to smile hard and said “Nothing Tom, a mystery :-)”.
We walked down to the post. Maryam greeted us with a chirpy smile and let us sneak into his post. As I dashed on the couch, I watched David. He was sitting by the side of the window and staring at the sea. Our wedding was scheduled in December and my death was scheduled in October. How ironical and strange. David would be married to my ghost on the skywalk. How funny and I giggled.
“Jen! You have gone mad! What’s the matter with you? Or do I look so funny today? Tell me!” he asked curiously.
“Tom! These shackles of reality have imprisoned my mind real hard. The future is uncertain, the end is so near. What is life? Just a cake walk! The important element is our smile” I smiled.
“Cool! So you are in poetic clutch today. My Jen sounds philosophical” he said.
“Come over Tom! I have a little time left. Lets make out!” I grinned.
Tom fell down from the chair and started staring at me full of doubts. He looks thunderstruck. As I had less time in life, so I wanted to make him happy for the last time, the first thing on my wish list.
“What??????” he asked, all bamboozled.
“Don’t question David! Its an order” I said loudly.
And that was when that divine smile found its way again on his face. He came to me in a flash of second and patted my cheeks “Not till we get married Jen”.
“No way Tom! What if I die tomorrow?” I said, in tears.
“Don’t be stupid Lol! No force on earth can take me away from you” he held my hand tight.
Tears trickled down my eyes and I started crying. Suddenly a worried expression dawned David’s face and he sat beside me “Tell me what happened? Did someone say you something Jen?”
“Tom! I am going to die in 3 months. I have cancer….” I couldn’t even complete my sentence when he hit me on head and said “Jen! You surely need a psychiatrist!!!”
“Its true Tom, just listen to me. While you were away in Mexico, I received the report of the scans from the hospital you took me to. Andrew attached a note to it which said that I was in intermediate stage. I was upset Tom. But then I decided to live on the rest of the days in the best possible way. I even purchased my wedding dress to please mom when we went for shopping yesterday. And I missed you so much all these days. I never wanted to tell you all this but you forced me to” I cried.
Tom had a pillow in his hand and was trying to hide his wild laughter. But after a while he couldn’t control and burst out loud “Dumbo!”
“Go to hell! You make fun of a dying person?” I said angrily, already on my heels to hit him hard.
“Wait! Stop Jen, No! This was one of your stupid dreams. Yesterday, we went to the museum in the morning, had lunch at my place in the afternoon and went to the park in the evening! And by the way, when did I go to Mexico? Hehehe! I can’t stop laughing. Whom on earth would I go to meet in Mexico, Jen,… MEXICO!!!” he said trying to control his laughter.
“Damn! I am not dying then? Are you sure? Was it a dream? Holy crap! I was freaked out. This thing was driving me nuts” I questioned aloud with a wide eyed look.
“Yeah Jen! Believe me. Now I regret the decision of not making out with you. It was such a tempting offer. Crap! I messed it up. Err, Jen, you are going to die, I swear. So, lets make out!” he said doubtfully.
“You bastard! I know you’ll always remain an incorrigible nincompoop! I hate you. You are a dog!” and I ran after him bare feet on the beach chasing him hard.
Life goes on and on. Though it was a stupid dream but it changed me big time. I now know the value of life, every single moment of life is precious and worth cherishing.
And believe me, I am going to live as if I am going to die tomorrow. And I do remember those 69 things on my wishlist. And I’ll go to India before our wedding. I’ll take David along too.
And folks, I’ll get married soon on the skywalk, be there for my wedding.
:-)
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